I thought that I had succeeded in letting go of the anger and disappointment about my family’s behavior.
But no—, after years my anger suddenly reappeared at a family gathering.
I was surprised at my fierce reaction; I thought I had left the whole issue behind.Through the student pastoral care I obtained my Insight Out. I found out that I was so sensitive because I still hope for harmony in the family. And that I expect the others to find family harmony as important as I do.
The theme became clear: I want a clean ship. But I don’t have control over what my family members say that hits me so hard.
By looking at my strategy and my core-quality, I realize that I can take control. I no longer don’t have to bear the entire responsibility for keeping the family together. I let go of the expectation that the others will help me. I now feel: “they will not do it “.
Now I leave the responsibility for their actions with them. I am only and fully responsible for my own choices. By forgiving them that they are doing what they do, and relieving myself of the ‘job’ I gave myself, I am forgiving everyone, including myself. That gives a feeling of freedom, instead of the feeling of being trapped in the dynamics of my family.
I was also referred to a website about forgiveness by Willem Glaudemans, where the steps of forgiveness towards someone else, and yourself, are nicely described. “From wound to wonder”.