I wanted to talk to my boyfriend because I felt abandoned by him. But I also knew that he would defend himself immediately
if I told him that. I put in my Insight Out the messages I want to give, and the disappointing progress I expected.
This self-investigation with my Insight Out gave me a rather unexpected outcome: I realized: If I don’t get support spontaneously, but have to ask for it, I already feel lonely and not seen. I see two selves: One doubting whether I am entitled to my feelings and may show them; Another one reacting fiercely and quite spicy so I can indignantly withdraw.
I suddenly saw that I myself evoke the defense of my friend. Because I already doubt whether I will get what I want, I subconsciously demand attention.
I realized that I could start listening, combined with quietly explaining what I need from him.
Hey!.. simple, but hard to see if you throw the boomerang yourself. But … skillfully catching the boomerang myself again, I have gained an important insight. And there is more and more relaxation in my asking for attention. You can guess whether he will listen better to me.